Why do our emotions show up?

Earlier this week I attended, as a guest, the WEnergize – Unleashing the Power of Women in Engineering & Architecture conference organised by Interadigm. In one of the morning sessions, there were several questions that came up on emotions, emotional regulation, and imposter syndrome.

Though I was a guest, the conference organiser offered me the floor to address these questions. I gave a quick overview of the Brain and Emotional Literacy, a 101 on both topics, before answering the questions.

I have written about the definition of emotions and how they impact us in the past, so I won’t repeat it here. The links in the previous sentence has more.

My article this week is my answers to the four questions. I believe they are pertinent questions and relevant to all of us.

1.      How do you control your emotions when you are in anger or an agitated state?

We have all experienced this. And the simple answer is you CAN’T. Here’s the thing, it is hard to control our emotions though we try. We are better off navigating our emotions. Emotions are the energy that moves us to action, and they show up for a reason.

Self-awareness is key. Anger’s story in emotional literacy tells us that something is wrong or unjust. Anger’s impulse is to punish the source of injustice and anger’s purpose is to create and maintain justice.

Quite logical and because emotions show up for a reason when we understand their story, impulse, and purpose we can then take the necessary action.

However, the first step is to correctly identify the emotion we are in. In the case of anger, its story and purpose can then help us navigate it. BUT until we identify and acknowledge anger, anger will remain with us.

2.      How do you disengage from your emotions before a negotiation?

Again, the simple answer is you CAN’T! We are always in an emotion. We can experience multiple emotions at a given moment. So, we can’t disengage from them, but we can and should become more aware of them. And the way to become aware of them is through a vocabulary of emotions.

Just as we have linguistic literacy, we need emotional literacy to understand the energies that we experience throughout our day. Because they impact our outcomes.

Once we know which emotions are present, we can then decide whether they are helpful in our situation. If anger is not helpful in our situation, we need to find a more helpful emotion such as curiosity, patience, tolerance, or whichever emotion that will help us navigate our situation. Which is why having a vocabulary of emotions is important.

3.      How to regulate emotions especially when you are burnt out?

Emotional regulation is a self-awareness ritual. And because we are always in an emotion(s) understanding these energies is key from an emotional ‘system’ point of view. Burnout is when our physical, emotional, and mental ‘systems’ become stretched or overloaded.

And because the brain’s main function is to keep us safe and alive the brain conserves all resources to keep us safe and alive. Survival mode.

This means access to our emotional ‘system’ and higher-order thinking becomes limited. This simply means that regulating our emotions during burnout can be difficult. We are in survival mode and until we restore our physiology to normality, through rest, nutrition, and exercise the brain’s focus is to keep us alive.

4.      How do I overcome imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome has its roots in self-doubt. Self-doubt about our abilities, competencies, and more. It is when our insecurities are directed at ourselves. Doubt about our worthiness, identity, and skill can take centre stage. Which then causes other emotions such as anxiety, guilt, or more to emerge. It is a form of ‘self-protection’ (safe and alive) via our emotions!

Again, we have all experienced this at some point. Just before a major presentation or when we are asked to step up, imposter syndrome can visit us.

The way I look at it is that we are about to try/do something new (doubt) and imposter syndrome is the discomfort (emotions of doubt and more) we face. Embrace it all and do it anyway! Take one tiny step forward.

Focus on a goal greater than yourself and/or your service to others usually helps mitigate the discomfort!

4.      Can we change our mindset? (I was asked this at lunch time)

ABSOLUTELY, YES! Our brain is ‘elastic’. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to flex and change its structure, function or connections. Allowing us to rewire our perceptions.

I always use my writing (weekly) as an example. 3.5 years ago, the thought of writing an article would make me anxious. Fast forward to today, I can write an article, any article any time within 30 minutes! That’s the POWER of our brain and I have adapted my brain to write by I rewiring my ‘old’ perception of writing.

Don’t underestimate the power of YOUR brain.

I hope you found these useful.

Should you have further questions, as always you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com

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