It’s ok to be NOT ok!

I attended a function at the Asian School of Business in Kuala Lumpur this week where my friend and colleague, Derek Kulasingham was a panel speaker on ‘Mind your Mental Health’ for business (startup) owners. After the session we decided to have lunch at the only outlet in the business school. It is a well-known chain of restaurants, and we knew what to expect both in terms of the food and service.

This outlet had a pay first eat later policy. There was no table service. One of the first things we noticed was a robot delivering people’s orders. But there was only one order cum pay cashier manned by a human. Being lunchtime quite a few people were waiting in line to order and pay.

The was a lady when I first went to place my order and pay. The queue was long but moving. When I went back to order a side dish, I noticed the queue was much longer and hardly moving. I noticed a different member of staff at the cashier. He seemed a little nervous. His 2 colleagues were hovering around him. They were busy but available.

When it was eventually my turn, it took him a long time to find my order on his digital list. He seemed to keep pressing many options on his touch screen without success.

I could tell he was trying and capable but there was still something he hadn’t mastered in the POS system. His colleagues around him could have helped. They noticed the queue length yet did nothing. It seemed like they left the onus to the cashier to ask for help.

He must have sensed my thoughts because his next sentence was ‘sorry to keep you wating’. My intuition was right in sensing he was capable. That’s when I told him to ‘ask for help if you need it.’

At this point, another acquaintance I had met at the function was beside me and as we finally paid and moved to the table he said, “I liked that you said ‘ask for help if you need it’”.

And we went on to have a conversation about it.

How many times do we struggle with a problem without even considering asking for help?

VERY OFTEN.

We live in a world that requires us to perform at our best 24/7/365. But that’s just an unreasonable expectation we set for ourselves. We can put pressure on ourselves that, at times, we struggle to sustain and can find it hard to own up to ourselves that we need help. But it also takes courage to ask for help because we feel we have let ourselves and others around us down. Thanks to our emotions - guilt and/or shame!

This applies to every arena of life. As a corporate leader, husband/wife, father/mother, entrepreneur, solopreneur, business owner, retiree, etc.

The way forward? Honesty with self-compassion!

It’s ok to be NOT ok!

This was my message after the mental health session. I was invited to capture a video with a message and that was it. It’s ok to not be ok! But it requires effort.

You see, we are autopilot creatures. Our brain automates as much as it can to save time. That means we are never fully present in the moment! Let’s test your presence now. Is your attention fully on this sentence? Or is part of your attention elsewhere? If it is fully here, great. But I can tell you it won’t be fully here for long!

To know where our attention is requires self-awareness. When I work with leaders, I get them to do regular ‘check-ins’ to see where their thoughts, emotions, and gut (intuition) are at that moment. The point of this exercise is to make it a habit over time and to train our brains to give us crucial data. And the process of checking in takes us off autopilot.

Twofold return - we become more present and gather vital data in the process.

Are you ok?

As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com