What would you do?
I witnessed something on Wednesday morning that nearly derailed my morning. I live in a cul de sac and my house is the last one on the lane. There are 2 houses to my left and one to my right. All four houses have our entrances facing the end of the lane in a semi-circle. Our gates are quite close together. From the first floor of the house, it is quite easy to observe the comings and goings of the neighbours.
On Wednesday morning, I was at my office, early, and decided to look out of my window to see what was happening in the cul de sac. As it happened, my neighbour, on the right, was preparing to leave home. Incidentally, he is the high commissioner of an Asian country and was recently posted to Malaysia (approximately 2.5 months ago). I have not met him or his wife yet. I have not seen them either. I have met their helpers and other staff.
But that morning, I knew he was about to leave for work as the driver (my assumption) was hovering by the main door. The engine of the car was running (presumably with the air-conditioner running). I was right. Within a couple of minutes, I saw the driver open the back passenger door and for the first time, I saw my neighbour. The high commissioner promptly took his seat and the driver got to his seat and slowly glided the car out of the driveway.
My office window is the closest to their driveway and I thought I would get a better view of my neighbour as the car meandered down the driveway. Unfortunately, his window had a blackout screen, and I could not get a better look. But, just as I thought that, the blackout screen went down and so did the window! But, though the car was moving slowly, I could not see his face.
I then wondered why he put the window down and in the next second, I knew why. He threw a tissue out of the window!!
The evidence!
I was shocked.
AND I was angry.
I could see the tissue in the middle of our cul de sac, closest to my and my neighbour’s gate. And I stood, frozen, trying to process what I had just witnessed.
I was not sure what I was more shocked by and angry about. That someone dared throw tissue out of a window a few metres away from his main gate or the fact that, that someone is a high commissioner.
To be honest, as I write this a couple of days later, I realise I am still not the wiser.
But it felt and still feels wrong!
I could immediately feel all my brains engage. My primitive or old brain (our oldest brain that we share with other mammals) wanted to run out and do something right away, to get even.
My limbic brain was very conscious of my emotional state and was trying to process the emotion of anger. And with every deep breath I took to get out of the grip of anger, my sage brain (our newest brain – the prefrontal cortex) was trying to rationalise what I should do about it. But just as I was thinking it through, I could feel my limbic brain activate as anger wanted more attention. And for a split second, I wanted to get even as anger got more of a grip – getting territorial. The primitive (old brain) is territorial.
I could feel myself oscillating between all three brains. For simplicity, let us call them brain 1.0 (primitive), 2.0 (limbic) and 3.0 (sage). I knew I was in control and that I would not let brain 1.0 dictate terms. But I was very aware that I felt anger and no matter how much I tried to engage my brain (3.0), my brain 2.0 would not allow it.
Anger was not done with me. I had to stay with it. I eventually re-engaged brain 3.0 when I worked out what I would do rationally. But not until anger had its time and space. And only this seemed to quieten brain 2.0. I knew then that anger’s role was done.
I will let you know next time what I eventually did.
But for this week, I would like to know from you. What would you have done? If you are receiving this as an email, please hit the reply button and let me know. Otherwise drop me an email to the address below. Thank you.
I look forward to hearing your views.
And as always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com
Ps my article next week may be delayed as I am travelling.