What I did!

So, here is what I did. In my last article, I related the unbecoming behaviour of my neighbour, who is the high commissioner of an Asian country. I was shocked AND angry. Read more here.

And here’s what I did.

I decided I needed perspective. I knew what I wanted to do but I wanted to get some other perspectives too. To check if I was overreacting.

I started with my husband. I ran to him as soon as I witnessed it and his reply was, “that is so shocking. They expect someone will clean after them.”

I had a zoom call with a colleague and he said, “it’s a habit - it’s what they grow up doing”.

A friend I messaged said, “put it in a bag with a note saying, ‘please do not litter’ and leave it on his gate”.

Yet another friend said. “that’s not acceptable. I would tell him how you feel”.

[And thank you to you, my readers, who responded via email. Your feedback was much appreciated].

So, I had a lot of feedback which was great but now I had to decide!

And decide I did.

What is interesting is I could not concentrate on my work with the tissue laying on my lane. It was taking up too much of my attention! Not good. My sage brain (brain 3.0) would not engage in more important matters whilst that tissue was lying there.

So, I picked it up and tossed it over onto my neighbour’s driveway. It was visible. I was about to ring the bell when I noticed the helper come out of the house.

She came to the gate, and I started speaking to her in English, after checking she understood English. She even opened the gate so we could chat without a barrier.

I told her what I witnessed that morning and that it was not appropriate behaviour for anyone let alone a high commissioner. I then told her to pass on a message to her boss from me, “the boss from next door”, to please not throw anything on our lane or anywhere else in the country.

She smiled and nodded seriously and to me, it seemed like she got the message. She knew I was serious but it also felt like this was not new for her?!

It is interesting how my instinct told me to say, “ the boss from next door”. The culture of the Asian country the high commissioner comes from is very hierarchical. And I wanted her boss to know that the message was coming from a peer next door. I trusted my instinct on this.

Also, I wanted the message to get to him. She was the messenger, and I did not want her to be scolded by her boss or to be scared to give him my message.

The other reason was that she had seen me in the past gardening (picture sweaty, dirty) in my gardening attire. In their culture, the lady of the house would not be doing that herself. She would be supervising someone else to do so. We carry out our trash (ourselves) and put our garden waste in the designated spot on our street for collection. In their culture, it would be the helper and gardener who did that respectively. Strict division of labour.

Feedback on what I did had many perspectives too. Most friends and family said that she would not tell her boss as it would not be acceptable. Hierarchy again!

Anyway, it was done and until I meet him personally, I will not know if the message was delivered to him.

But, 10 days later I witnessed something interesting. As the car was leaving in the morning with the high commissioner in it, I noticed the car stop just outside the gate. The driver got out of the car to pick up a plastic bottle on the lane. I had seen it too and was wondering what they would do. It was great to see the driver pick it up. The helper came running out to check why the car had stopped. The driver passed the bottle to her and she promptly took it away for disposal. It seemed like she recognised the bottle. (Possibly dropped during collection by the local council due to an unsecured bin bag).

That left a good feeling in me. It felt like my message was heard.

I shall keep that faith until I see behaviour that proves otherwise.

Next week, I shall tell you about my very first sailing experience. The power of wind!

Until then, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com