The true way to ‘fake it till you make it’
This phrase, ‘fake it till you make it’, came up in 3 separate conversations this week and it got me thinking.
People often use it in various instances, and I can’t say I am a fan of it. Because I believe there is more to ‘faking it’ than we all realise.
It is used frivolously, superficially even, but it has more depth and I want to explore it here.
Self-deception
Fake it till you make it is self-deception! A positive one.
We are masters of self-deception. We deceive ourselves daily. Yes, we easily fool ourselves.
Usually without too many repercussions but in the long-term it can potentially hold us back.
The answer to any of the questions below, with honesty, may give you a hint or two of your self-deceptions:
What are you avoiding?
What did you say you would do yesterday (or before) but still have not done today?
Where are you hoping that your problem will fix itself?
Where could your assumptions be incorrect?
Deception is failing to admit to oneself that something is not true, primarily because of fear.
The physicist and scientist Richard Feynman said, “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.”
This is important because the nature of self-deception makes it hard for us to see when we are victims. We can identify self-deception in others but struggle to identify it for ourselves.
When our self-awareness is low, we can deceive ourselves through our blind spots. Read about my self-deception here.
I am reminded of Adam Grant’s quote:
‘Ask people for feedback, and they sometimes tell you what you want to hear. Ask them about blind spots, and they’re more likely to tell you what you need to hear. Gains in self-awareness often begin with the question: What do other people know about me that I might not realize?’
Faking it – positive self-deception
All is not lost. I am an optimist at heart after all.
I believe self-deception can be used positively and that’s where faking it helps.
But it requires a higher level of self-awareness and a whole lot of honesty and courage.
Fear is the primary reason why we deceive ourselves in situations that matter.
Fear of changing the status quo (even when all is not good).
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of failing.
Fears of what others might think and so on.
Unfortunately, all this does is keep us in the same place.
It keeps us functional. We get on with our days, but we don’t progress.
Like running on a treadmill. You are running on the same spot getting no-where. No destination.
What if you had a destination?
The destination is important because it’s your why. Your now-here. Why you are running on the treadmill in the first place.
2 people are running on a treadmill. Let us call them Dave and Mike.
Dave runs on the treadmill as part of his exercise routine at his gym. His motivation to stay on track is by paying for his yearly gym membership in advance.
Mike runs on the treadmill because he had a health scare a few months back. His doctor prescribed a cardio routine and Mike is determined because he wants quality time with his family.
When the going gets tough, who do you think will break the routine first?
Though this is a fictitious example used for illustrating a point, we can all relate to either scenario.
The difference between pushing ourselves to achieve something versus our future vision for ourselves pulling us along.
Mike has a good reason for why he is running and that is his destination – his future self.
It is hard in the beginning, but with time it shifts from deliberate practise (doing) to an innate part of you (being).
What is your why?
Again, to quote Adam Grant:
‘If at first you don’t succeed, you’re in luck. Effortless excellence is a lousy teacher and a fickle friend. The achievements we savor most start with a struggle and end with hard-earned mastery. Success is sweeter — and more repeatable — when it’s the product of deliberate practice.’
To truly fake it till you make it, you need to identify your why. Otherwise, it’s just fake and you go no-where.
The impact of our why is twofold. It helps focus on our deliberate practise which in turn helps us get out of our own way by overcoming our fear(s).
Your future self is about who you want to be and what you want to achieve with ‘claridence’ (clarity + confidence).
Part of the ‘future-proofing you’ process is to bring your future self to your biggest challenges.
That way when you get to your future, you ARE already your future self.
But you need to start with your why and a whole lot of honesty and courage.
I am here to help!