Your future may require you to conform LESS

I have always considered myself a rebel with a cause (at times without a cause). When I was younger, I questioned many things. I defied the ‘system’ by doing things because it was NOT the thing to do.

For example, growing up in an Asian family, we were brought up not to address our older siblings by their name but by their appropriate salutation based on hierarchy. It is a cultural norm, replicated across many Asian cultures. A sign of respect to the elders. It felt superficial, conditional, and I did not buy into it. To me, respect could be shown in other ways.

They had first names so, why not call them by that and that is exactly what I did. And I applied this to my extended family too, much to their dismay!

Luckily, I did not have any resistance from my siblings nor parents (but some glares from my cousins). I am not sure if my siblings and parents succumbed to the rebel in me or were progressive beyond their time.

I think it was a bit of both. My late parents were so ahead of their time that they deserve a separate article (a book actually).

Nature versus nurture

It came up several times in my work conversations this month and I wondered if there was a biological reason for my rebellion and decided to dig a little further. My research led me to American psychologist and author, Adam Grant, whose books never fail to enlighten me and posts I follow on LinkedIn.

So, I pulled out his book, The Originals, from my bookshelf, and lo and behold, it seemed like a whole chapter was written about me, ‘rebel with a cause’.

In this chapter, Adam writes of his research on comparing firstborns to laterborns. Adam’s focus was to examine the roots of originality and the uniqueness of being the younger child and the role of family size and the implications for nurture. (To give you some context, I am the youngest of 4 siblings).

Though the science of birth order has had a checkered past and remains controversial today, Adam’s analysis of the birth order was that it was a better predictor of personality and behaviour than he expected. Some results from his study show that:

High academic achievers were 2.3 times as likely to be firstborn as lastborn.

Rebels were twice as likely to be lastborn than firstborn.

Although firstborns tend to be more dominant, conscientious, and ambitious, laterborns are more open to taking risks and embracing original ideas. Firstborns tend to defend the status quo; laterborns are inclined to challenge it.

But the core theme of the chapter is based on Adam’s exploration of Standford professor James March’s work on the logic of consequence and the logic of appropriateness.

When we make decisions, we follow a logic of consequence: which course of action will produce the best results?

A rebel, who consistently challenges the status quo, operates differently and instead follows the logic of appropriateness: what does a person like me do in a situation like this?

Rather than looking outward in an attempt to predict the outcome, you turn inward to your identity, basing the decisions on who you are or who you want to be!

Your future

When we use the logic of consequence, we can always find reasons not to take risks. The logic of appropriateness frees us up! We think less about what will guarantee the outcome we want and more on a visceral sense of what someone like us ought to do.

This is the essence of the rebel in me and it is the essence of future-proofing you! I will admit that not all my rebelling worked out the way I hoped it would, but I certainly learned from it all and grew.

I still call my siblings by their first names. I notice my cousins doing so too. I don’t expect the younger generation to call me by any hierarchical salutation. In many conversations, I insist on being addressed by my first name.

So, where are you holding yourself back through the logic of consequence? I don’t mean for you to do something bizarre or become someone you are not.

This applies to the instances where you have remained comfortable by avoiding risk through the excuses you give yourself. Invoke the rebel in you, your future self, to review, challenge those excuses and free yourself. It will take courage and boldness. It is possible.

Because the choice on how you navigate your future is yours!

I am here to help.

ps in case you were wondering, I did not address my parents by their first names. Not because I was conforming but because, from as far back as I can remember, they were the epitome of UNconditional love that I would have struggled to address them otherwise.