The parting sentence from the Specialist I went to see during a consultation (second opinion) for my husband’s fractured leg was, ‘whatever you decide please do not operate on his leg in the next week, you will kill him’.

It is a sentence I will never forget. It gave me the clarity that I needed in an instant. His statement did not even shock me. In that one sentence, I understood the importance of his message. 

It removed the doubt and anxiety in my mind, and I was crystal clear about my next decision. My choice was made.

Clarity — the doorway to confidence and more

My husband had gone on his regular trail (motocross) ride in the jungle with his friends as he had done every Saturday.

That Saturday, I had a call from his phone with his friend on the other end at 11 am, saying that my husband had met with an accident. It was not good.

When I finally saw him at the Emergency Room at 1 pm, his left femur was sticking out of his thigh and his knee did not look too good either.

The doctors got to work on him immediately, and it turned out that he would need surgery that day to cut off dead muscles and secure his shattered bones.

But the procedure to register him, get x-rays, make evaluations and organise operating theatres took a while, and he was eventually operated on at 11 pm. I met with his surgeon at 2 am, post-surgery, to have a review conversation. The conversation did not leave me with clarity nor calm.

I waited for my husband to come out of the recovery area at 4 am and accompanied him back to the room. He was a little drowsy from the anaesthetic, but we managed to have a quick conversation before he drifted off to sleep. I went home to shower and returned to the hospital by 6.30 am.

The chaotic mind

I did not sleep that morning. I could not. My mind was chaotic, and I had more questions than answers. I was seeking clarity. His surgeon had made his decision on how he was going to proceed, and I knew I needed an unbiased (second) opinion. 

Someone who would entertain my layman, basic questions to help me get the clarity I needed about my husband’s condition and how best to proceed.

A chaotic mind is like a runaway train waiting to derail at the next weakest point.

I have seen people spend more time than necessary on problems because of the lack of clarity. I too have caught myself overthinking problems because of the lack of clarity.

Finding clarity amidst chaos

I stayed with my husband that day and kept his spirits up whilst masking my doubt and anxiety. In my mind, I was searching for options to get clarity.

With some research, I found the Specialist at the other hospital and decided to get a second opinion the following morning. And at the end of the consultation, my first sentence above was his last sentence to me that morning. 

I rushed back to the hospital where my husband was with my information.

I am keeping my story brief here but there were some critical decisions and arrangements that we had to make. I also got a third opinion on my husband’s request. 

In the end, my husband was transferred to the other hospital, and he was under the care of the Specialist.

During change or uncertainty we can easily obsess over a single view that we often lose objectivity. In my husband’s case, I knew I was spiralling downwards and could have got fixated on his first surgeon’s opinion. But I was conscious of this and knew I had to take a step back.

I found clarity through:

1. Perspective — I happened to know another doctor in the first hospital. I had a chat with her and that helped me get another view on the matter. Until that point, there were many unknowns in my mind, and these were answered during our chat.

2. Autonomous Choice — I am a firm believer in autonomous choice. No matter the situation or circumstance, we all have choice. If it is a fixed decision, then how we perceive it is the choice we make. 

With health and this instance, a major procedure that was to follow, I believe we have the final choice based on the options available. We are ultimately accountable for ourselves.

3. Trusting myself — the initial 3 days of my husband’s crash were some of the darkest days of my life. I kept him optimistic and forward-looking whilst feeling hollow and dim inside. Although his first surgeon was professional and competent and both my husband and I liked him, I had a feeling I was missing something.

Our senses are heightened during uncertainty and if we remain still long enough, we understand what they are telling us. I am glad I listened.

3 steps YOU can take to find clarity:

1. Get perspective — it is so easy to be in your head during uncertainty that getting perspective is vital. Talk to a friend, family member, co-worker, or anyone who can provide a listening ear to help you step out of your head and look at your situation from a different angle.

2. Make autonomous choices — you have a choice! Even when you think you have no choice, you do. It is how you choose to perceive your situation. This will help you discern other options. 

Start with the top picks on your stories playlist. These are the stories you tell yourself about yourself and they control the choices you make.

3. Trust yourself — listen to the messages your voice in your head is telling you. If you tune in, you can get vital clues. Amidst chaos, you can read your mind. Learn more here.

It has been 3.5 years since the accident, and my husband has made a near-full recovery. 

I am thankful for my clarity in those initial days following my husband’s accident and after. It helped me narrow the unknowns, make informed decisions, and navigate our future with confidence and optimism.

Clarity impacts our effectiveness and finding it in a chaotic mind is crucial.

What is your method for seeking clarity? Let me know, connect with me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com