Whatever you are avoiding needs your attention
This week was unique. It was a long weekend. Monday was labour day holiday and Tuesday and Wednesday were Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Eid. Many were looking forward to the break. Me included. I added a few more things to my to-do list but I managed to only get to some of them due to some spontaneous activities. And they were equally important as the tasks on my to-do list.
Like a 3.5-hour breakfast catch-up with my siblings and cousin over Indian pancakes. Spontaneous and it was great. We could have kept talking. Then there was another spontaneous dinner with a friend’s business partner that had me reflecting for a couple of days. There was so much information exchanged during dinner that my brain was still processing it 2 days after.
Sometimes well-intended plans (to-dos) do not materialise because life happens. Remain too rigid and we miss out on what spontaneity offers us. Remain too spontaneous and we don’t get to our to-dos. Juggling is what we all do everyday. And at any given moment, we can only have one ball in either hand.
Today I want to focus on the juggler, not the juggling. Because most times we are so focused on the juggling that we forget the juggler.
During the run-up to our long weekend there were many public service announcements over social and other media warning citizens to plan their exodus out of the city. Those celebrating Eid typically return to their homes in other states. And those making use of the long weekend head to holiday destinations around the country contributing to a spike in the number of cars on the road.
This year, because covid laws were relaxed unlike the last two years, the highway operators were bracing themselves for a spike of cars on the highway. They were expecting 2 million cars per day during the long weekend. I can’t find the statistics of what our normal volume is. Apologies. Suffice to say we heard many announcements throughout the weekend about how bad traffic was in various sections of our main highway. The longest was a 150 km jam!
In preparation for this, a part of the public service announcement was targeted to vehicle owners to ensure that their cars were in ‘good condition’. To withstand their ‘extended’ journey (due to delays) to their destination and avoid congesting the highways further through breakdowns or overheating. There were also departure time slots for travellers to enter the highway network. The highway operator was trying to optimise its juggling of the expected whilst minimising the unexpected.
Back to juggler. That’s you and me. We too need to be in ‘good condition’ for our juggling to be optimal. Our body and brain need to be in synch for us to juggle. If either is compromised, we struggle to juggle. Not too rigid nor too relaxed.
Luckily for us, there is an automated part of the brain-body relationship. Homeostasis. This is how our brains and body maintain equilibrium. But here’s the thing, this equilibrium is maintained based on our internal mental models or stories.
So, if you need to do something you don’t like, a bias, your brain sends out a signal to your body to fight or flee that situation. Your brain primes your body to action automatically in milliseconds without your ‘conscious’ participation. If that situation is important on your to-do list, it becomes something you avoid. The only way to overcome this is to review and upgrade the mental model that controls that situation.
We do this automatically when it comes to our cars and gadgets. We service our cars, change old parts for new and upgrade the software for our phones and computers. The latter is even programmed to happen automatically. Yet we don’t do it for ourselves.
If something is important to you but you can’t get the traction you want or need, first review your mental model associated with it. That attention alone starts the re-writing of your mental model.
What are you avoiding?
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com