What if we didn’t lie
I recently watched the movie, The Invention of Lying with Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner. It is an older movie, created in 2009, but I happened to catch it on television last week. A hilarious movie. It is about everyone speaking their truth, including their personal reflections.
There are a couple of scenes in the movie that got me wondering, what if we lived like that for real. How would we cope? It reminded me of my time working with a Dutch organisation early in my career. The Dutch are very (brutally at times) honest people. But it only works for some. I was one of those ‘some’. They got to the point without beating around the bush. What I appreciated about their honesty was that I knew exactly where I stood with work, as an employee, as a leader (of my team). I knew what I did well and what I had to work on. Never leaving me with any doubts. I found this refreshing.
It allowed me to be laser-focused on what needed my attention. But this does not work for all. There is the need to not take things personally for this approach to work. I am reminded of Don Miguel Ruis’s, The Four Agreements and his second agreement is don’t take anything personally. This is easier said than done. But what if we were honest with each other. Wouldn’t there be fewer miscommunications, conflict, greater productivity, and more? And by honesty, I mean speaking our truth without being rude or demeaning. It is possible and for me, the Dutch embody this. Maybe not all the time but a majority of the time.
But back to the movie. There were a couple of scenes that stood out. When the ‘lying’ began. The first was at the bank. Jarvais’s character goes to the bank to get cash to pay his rent. He is late with his rent, and he knows that he doesn’t have enough money in his account. He has $300 in his account but needs $800.
The banking system is down when he meets the teller, and she is happy to hand him the money that he says he has in his account. He says $800. Just then the system comes back online, and she realises there is only $300 in his account but goes on to say, “oh sorry, our system must be wrong, here is your $800”!
Imagine that. I know, unrealistic in the present day. But what if we could cultivate that level of trust? I know that level of trust is achievable. Perhaps not at a wider level (yet) but it certainly exists between individuals and within families.
The turning point of the movie is when Jarvais’s mum is dying, and she is scared. She is not sure what happens after death and is resisting it. The start of the scene is quite funny. Her doctor walks in and tells Jarvais (and his mum) that she will die soon. Literally. Jarvais, grieved by her imminent passing and her discomfort, decides to console her by lying. He says that death is wonderful, that she will be surrounded by the people she loves that she will no longer have the ailments that she has presently, and that life will be wonderful in the afterlife.
She is immediately consoled by hearing this and passes on a few moments later, peacefully. The nurses and her doctor who witnessed this are speechless. They want to know how Jarvais knows this. Remember, no one lies and they want to know more. This creates a revolution and Jarvais is hounded by a large gathering of people outside his house wanting to know the truth.
If you haven’t watched the movie, it is worth a watch. It got me thinking. My brain wandered, thinking of various what-ifs. And how we could create environments or spaces for people to speak their truths without offending, demeaning, or being rude.
Again, Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements came to mind. They are:
Be impeccable with your word
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best
Easier said than done but it is worth a start. And if you are new to Ruiz’s work, I highly recommend the book The Four Agreements.
Be in truth.
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com