What do you want?
Many of us struggle with this question. To articulate what we want. I have asked this question to my clients, friends, family, and I get a fair amount of ‘I don’t know’ in return.
We are autopilot creatures, we get through one day and then go on to do the same the next day. And we sometimes do things because it is the ‘right’ thing to do and not because we want to do them. We are often driven by what we think we want, or what other people want for us instead of what we want for ourselves. To pause, reflect and think about what we want for our future requires clarity.
I recently helped a client edit an article he wanted to publish. It was his first article, and he was very enthusiastic. After reviewing the article my first question to him was ‘why are you doing this?’ Another way of asking ‘what do you want from this?’. The quick and firm reply was ‘I don’t know, I certainly don’t want to write another article.’ I was a little taken aback but I was not surprised.
The article was well written. It had a captivating story. A good message but my client could not see past his first article. I know my client well and he is not short of content or stories. Quite the contrary, his work gives him more than enough to write about. But he was not clear about what he wanted to achieve from it. If he had that clarity, he would know what he needed to follow through on his mission; to get his message, which he is passionate about, to his audience.
I know this because his next sentence was ‘this article was easy to write.’ My client wasn’t sure about his next article and the one after that. And writing wasn’t his innate skill. What my client needed was a structure to collate his passion and turn it into a series of content that he could curate easily into subsequent articles.
We often give up when we don’t know ‘the how’ to achieve what we want and can sometimes mistake it for not knowing what we want. Because to get what we want can feel like hard work. When we have clarity of what we want, what we need, or ‘the how’ is the easier step. It can be self-deterministic but the follow-through and execution, the practise, is the harder step. Making us hesitate, avoid action and we fall off the wagon. We give up, and go back to autopilot mode. We hold ourselves back.
That is why in my article two weeks ago I started with the question what do you need?. It is the easier question, but the hurdle is in the practise. But the starting point to know what you need is what you want. You can alternatively think about what you do NOT want. But if you are like my client, it may be a knee-jerk reaction because he did not have a structure to follow and you may inadvertently stop short. Be aware if you go down this route.
So, if the question, ‘what do you want?’ seems daunting, here is an alternative question to ask.
What do you wish you were doing that you are NOT doing?
This week I will keep my article short. It is a big question to reflect on and I believe it is an important one. I will continue with this thread on wants and needs in my next article. It seems a current challenge.
Here are the definitions of need and want:
Need: to require something because it is essential or important not just desirable
Want: have a desire to possess or do something; to wish for
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com