True to yourself or fake? 3 ways to navigate your authenticity paradox
Earlier this year, before our 4-month lockdown, my husband and I dined at a new restaurant recommended by my friend. Good food, great value I was told. And it was! The food was superb.
Simple, unpretentious food of high quality without the high prices. Authentic. And the same applied to the co-owners, one of whom was the chef. After some gentle digging, my curiosity at work, I found out that the co-owners were two friends who decided to open this simple Italian wood-fired pizza and pasta place. They opened for business just over a month before.
There were no pretences about them. When we asked about their wine list, they were not sure what was available but said they would have a look. They found a bottle and we said we would try it with our meal. Whilst pouring the wine, our server spilled some wine on the table and floor but neither of us made a fuss. It felt like part of the ‘vibe’. Our hosts were down-to-earth and honest.
They seemed to be taking everything in their stride with a good mix of fun and humility. They were not trying to be who they were not and were learning as they went. This essence and spirit were the foundation of their hospitality and one that we wholeheartedly accepted and enjoyed. A refreshing and uplifting experience that left us wanting more and willing them every success.
Yesterday, an article in my weekend reading stood out. It is by Herminia Ibarra, Professor at London Business School, titled the authenticity paradox. It is well worth a read if you have the time. I shall capture its essence in the paragraphs below.
Authenticity is a word often used in Leadership, but I think all of us, we are self-leaders, have wrestled with our own authenticity paradoxes from time to time. That dichotomy between being true to ourselves and fake. And I like Ibarra’s view on addressing this dichotomy. To engage a playful frame of mind. This phrase is what reminded me of our restaurant experience. The co-owners were finding their way through their identity as new owners and were adapting as they went. What Ibarra refers to as an ‘adaptively authentic’ way of leading which requires a playful frame of mind.
‘When we adopt a playful attitude, we’re more open to possibilities. It’s OK to be inconsistent from one day to the next. That’s not being a fake; it’s how we experiment to figure out what’s right for the new challenges and circumstances we face.’ I realise this may seem like a tall order in some situations, but Ibarra’s emphasis is on being open to trying new things. She goes on to say that the moments that most challenge our sense of self are the ones that teach us the most about ourselves. Viewing ourselves as works in progress and evolving our identities through trial and error helps us develop a personal style that feels right.
The essence of her article can be summed up with this paragraph, ‘to begin thinking like leaders, we must first act: plunge ourselves into new projects and activities, interact with very different kinds of people, and experiment with new ways of getting things done. Especially in times of transition and uncertainty, thinking and introspection should follow experience—not vice versa. Action changes who we are and what we believe is worth doing.’
Her research states 3 important ways to get started:
1. Learn from diverse role models
Some form of imitation is necessary for growth, but don’t limit yourself to one person’s leadership style. Borrow styles from various people to create your own multi-dimensional style.
2. Work on getting better
Focus on the value of experimentation by setting learning goals, not just performance goals. Stretch the limits of who you are by doing new things that make you uncomfortable but help you discover by direct experience whom you want to become.
3. Don’t stick to your story
Dispose of outdated self-concepts and draw on personal narratives that fit your circumstances as you’re taking on new challenges.
From a future-proofing perspective, her last paragraph says it all. ‘The only way we grow as leaders is by stretching the limits of who we are—doing new things that make us uncomfortable but that teach us through direct experience who we want to become. Such growth doesn’t require a radical personality makeover. Small changes—in the way we carry ourselves, the way we communicate, the way we interact—often make a world of difference in how effectively we lead.’
It is an interesting article that requires reflection. It has several case studies included. As for the restaurant, unfortunately, they did not withstand the test of a 4-month lockdown, having started during a pandemic. Brave! I am hoping they are regrouping, learning, and coming back better, stronger with a new story.
As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com