Lost in translation – 10 ways your message is not received as you intended

“Between what I think, what I want to say, what I believe I say, what I say, what you want to hear, what you believe (you) hear, what you hear, what you want to understand, what you think you understand, what you understand. Ten possibilities that we might have some problem communicating. But let’s try anyway" ~ Bernard Werber

I have been meaning to write this piece for a while but never felt the time was right until I came across the above quote whilst doing some weekend reading. I always have thought communicating is a complex process and the quote above sums it up so well. I am not a communications expert but communicating is an integral part of my work and life as it is for many of us. Unless you are a lighthouse operator in the middle of an uninhabited island or attending a silent retreat, chances are you need to communicate. Daily.

For everything we say, there are 10 possible options according to Werber. That’s food for thought! Ten options when we communicate! It is no wonder that we can so easily get our messages crossed. So much goes on in communicating.

Have you ever come out of a conversation wondering what the other person meant? I have! Worse is to assume what they meant. So much of what we say or receive in our conversations with others reflects us in the moment. If we are in a defensive or survival mode, what I call Brain 1.0, everything we receive has the potential to be perceived as an attack or threat. So really, awareness of our state is the first step in effective communications.

I am more aware now and ask for clarification when I am not sure. This complexity is not limited to verbal communications, it happens with written communications too. I think written communications, emails, posts, and remarks on social media, etc can be so easily misinterpreted. At least, with the verbal form, other cues add to the richness of communications. Tone, facial expressions, body language are part of the conversation. They go some way to defining what is being said.

That is not possible with the written version. Writing requires clarity. I write weekly and I know when I am not clear in what I want to say, I walk away and come back to it later. When my thoughts are more organised. Otherwise, you, my audience, will sense it too. Even with this much care, I find myself a little ambiguous at times, when I re-read some of my past articles. But writing is an evolutionary process. And the writer evolves too.

I think differently now, and I am becoming more precise in my verbal communications. My choice of words to convey what I want to say is more deliberate. I pause more often to find the right word and do not feel the need to fill the silence whilst I think on my feet. It is not perfect, and I am not sure it will ever be. I am work in progress and as humans, I believe, we are all work in progress. Writing has taught me so much. It is a powerful muscle and one that has helped me sharpen my clarity

And we write everyday on various platforms. In a post of mine on LinkedIn recently, a connection responded to my post, and I was not sure how to respond. I could not understand his comment and was unsure of his intent. I walked away and came back to it, and I was still unsure. So, I did the next best thing - I asked my friend. A third party can be so helpful in helping us see what we cannot see. And I got the clarity I needed and went on to respond to the comment.

So, here are the 10 options again – the potential barriers to your communication success.

Which option may get in the way for you?

what I think, what I want to say, what I believe I say, what I say, what you want to hear, what you believe (you) hear, what you hear, what you want to understand, what you think you understand, what you understand.

And if you need help to see what you cannot see, hop on a call with me. A half-hour chat could be the pivot you need to be in clarity.