When I worked in Europe, as a team of consultants working together on a client project, we often had to get to know each other and be productive within a short time. Most times we worked well together, and we tried our best to address the kinks. But at times I would jokingly ask my colleagues for their user manual. In the humour was a request to learn more. To understand any idiosyncrasies (which we all have), acknowledge them and get going.

And the more I interact with people whom I am either getting to know or know well, in both cases a user manual has made interactions more effective and efficient. It takes much of the guesswork and assumptions out of the interactions.

So, what is a human user manual?

It’s quite simple really. It’s basically a set of attributes or idiosyncrasies of you that can help others interact with you with greater effectiveness and efficiency. All products come with a user manual, and I think we should too.

As humans, we rely on our assumptions about others when we interact. Think about it, unless you know someone well, your initial interactions usually start with clarifying certain assumptions.

I do not drink coffee. Never have. Yet when I go to meetings, I am asked if I would like a coffee. I always politely decline and ask for water. I drink black tea on occasion.

I know some people who cannot start their day without a coffee. Some can’t start their day without breakfast whilst others prefer to skip breakfast. And some find they are more effective in the morning and others in the afternoon. I know some who do their best work in the evenings. Some like their bosses to keep close tabs on them whilst others cherish their autonomy.

We are all unique which makes us complex too. But seldom do we know or take the time to ask how others function or prefer to interact. Which is why the user manual helps others ‘use us’ and vice versa. It makes life easier for us and others. This is relevant at work and in life. I have seen team interactions at work become more effective once all team members were aware of each others’ user manuals.

The main aim is to understand how to accentuate the best version of others and yourself!

Below is a guideline you can use to create yours:

•   What is your optimal time for working?

•   How do you want to engage with others (team members, business partners, peers, bosses, etc)? One on one or in a group?

•   How do you want others to engage with you?

•   What is your overall communication style?

•  What do you value? What is a deal breaker for you?

• What is your preferred communication method – email, text, phone or in person or combination? Formal, informal? How often do you want to meet in person

• How do you make decisions with regards to others? What kind of decisions are important for you to be involved in?

My brief user manual is below that I published on LinkedIn over a year ago. It has evolved over the years but at my core, much is still the same. Interestingly, 2 people who wanted a zoom chat with me after reading my user manual suggested a morning meeting after breakfast! Smart! We skipped the ‘what time would you prefer ?’ conversation and homed in on a time in the morning.

• works best in the morning, do not use after 7 pm

• always on time and does not like to be kept waiting

• does not beat around the bush and cherishes autonomy

• does not drink coffee, tea sometimes, prefers water (or wine after hours)

• cares deeply about the wellbeing and betterment of others

• extremely organised and thorough, follows through by doing what she says

• approach with caution when she is hungry

The last idiosyncrasy has improved since I started working with my functional medicine doctor!

The good thing about the user manual is it helps reduce the assumptions we make about others. It would be so much easier to work with someone who needs a coffee to get started after they have had their coffee. Or better still bring them a coffee if you have an early start. You know it will help your subsequent interaction!

So, what would your user manual say?

As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com

** ps I won’t be writing next week. I won’t have my device nor internet coverage where I am going. More on that the following week.

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