We have all read or heard the phrase, ‘we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control the way we respond’.

Have you been in a situation where, how you saw a situation play out in your mind turn out to be the exact opposite in reality?

We have all been there, armed with our own pre-response actions; count to 10, breathe, take a moment, etc. But before we know it, the words have left our mouth, or we have acted in a way we never intended to.

How do we regain our original intent?

In my previous article about writing being a key tool to understand yourself, I mention that I had evolved since I started writing over 10 years ago. The evolution happened in between articles. The process of writing gets the writer to reflect upon the subject they are writing, but the greater reflection that takes place is self-reflection.

Writing requires the writer to gain clarity both on the subject and his/her opinion about the subject. The latter is a journey to the self. Because you have to convince yourself of your thoughts!

Writing requires me to understand my thoughts on the subject which includes my thoughts of me. Translating my thoughts into words makes me more aware of my thoughts. This contributes to my tacit knowledge, knowledge garnered from personal experience and context. This is a journey in self-awareness.

Reflecting and knowing

Knowing, self-evolution through learning, comes from reflecting on our actions in the situation. It is through reflection and meaning-making that we grow and evolve. Donald Schon in his book The Reflective Practitioner defines reflective practice as the practice by which we become aware of our implicit knowledge base and learn from our experience.

Schon talks about reflection in action and reflection on action. Reflection in action is to reflect on behaviour as it happens, whereas Reflection on action is reflecting after the event, to review, analyse, and evaluate the situation. Another term he introduces is Knowing in action to describe tacit knowledge.

In the meantime, should you inadvertently sabotage yourself, here are four actions you can take:

1.      Regain your intent, if you can

Sometimes It is possible to regain your intent during a situation, reflection in action. Your instincts should guide you to potential ways to do so. It is a tacit skill. Knowing what to say or do without really having an explanation for it, knowing in action. Making amends in-situ.

2.      Learn and make a mental note

If you could not make amends in-situ, then learn from the why and how things got derailed, reflection on action. There are great learnings in every action we take or do not take in any situation which contributes to our sense of self. Make a mental note and try applying it in the next relevant situation.

3.      Do not be hard on yourself

This is easier said than done but learn from your situation and move on. Time is a healer of angst and enabler of growth. And the next time you find yourself in a similar situation and you do not sabotage yourself, give yourself a pat on the back.

4.      Accept and become aware

As humans, we err towards being critical of than compassionate with ourselves. Accepting a situation for what it is, is sometimes hard. But therein lies our self-awareness and evolutionary journey. As we become more aware of our thinking patterns and actions, we are better prepared for and responding to the next situation.

It is an evolutionary journey and one that takes effort. The best-laid plans can be easily derailed by the complexity of human interactions in different situations. But we can reflect, learn and know.

For guidance with your evolutionary journey, connect with me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com