In my article three weeks ago, I ended with personal crucible moments – moments that make us who we are. We can all think back and pick those defining moments that had a HUGE impact on us. I have a few of those moments but three stand out.

1.      Living in Nigeria

I am not sure if it was my age that added to the impact I felt but Nigeria changed my view of the world. And as Einstein said, “the mind that opens to a new idea never returns to its original size”. I think sub-Saharan Africa had that effect on me..

Going from a city in Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, a developing nation back then, to a remote village in Africa was surreal. Water and electricity were scarce. There were no telephone lines let alone telephones. Oh and no television.

I went to school in the next compound from ours and met girls from various tribes. They had different marks etched into their faces to represent their tribes. And they wore it with pride!

It was a girl’s boarding school, but I was a day girl. I experienced so much. It was my first exposure to Africa and when I look back, it changed everything.

2.     My mother’s wise words

I will never forget the moment I arrived home after completing my degree, proud of myself and ready to conquer the world. When my late mother told me, “It’s not the degree, cash, cars, houses, fame or fortune that make you who you are, life is about being accountable for your words and actions and that’s all that matters”!

It was a deeply humbling moment. I was aware of this (having grown up with her words of wisdom) but my mother had a way of saying things that just lodged itself deep in the heart.

When I look back, it is these principles that I used to navigate my life thus far. Whenever I find myself in doubt or uncertainty, I often think about what my mother would do or say and navigate my way forward from there.

3.      My Dutch boss’s brutal honesty

I worked for a Dutch consulting company early in my career. If you have interacted with the Dutch before you will know what I mean by their definition of honesty. I have written about it before and personally, I find working with the Dutch quite refreshing. There is no vagueness in the message that they wish to communicate, and they wish the same back. Straight to the point, no beating around the bush.

Whilst working on a mission-critical project I had an exchange with my boss that changed my thinking forever. I was working extra hours with my team as the project deadline approached. Some nights we worked past midnight and on one of those nights my boss paid us a surprise visit. He was happy with our progress and as he asked to speak with me separately, I was anticipating a big pat on the shoulder but what I got was just the opposite.

He asked me, “if you get run over by a truck tonight and die (yes, he said that) will your team and everyone else know exactly what they need to do tomorrow?”

I was stunned and after the initial shock, I knew exactly why his question was important. And yes, at that point there were tasks in my head that my team did not know about. Not good! I immediately started the process of rectifying that the next day.

My boss’s point was that although a leader leads, a leader is not indispensable. And a good leader empowers the team to succeed with or without their presence. That’s leadership.

There was a considerable amount of reflection that went into writing this article and given my experience over the last 2 weeks, the last 2 years even, I find myself in a liminal space. So much has changed and is yet to change. I travel to Europe next week to join my husband for a short break. It will be my first air travel in 2.5 years! Feels surreal.

I have been writing weekly for nearly 2 years barring my dengue break 2 weeks ago. It is a weekly ritual that anchors me. I hope to keep writing whilst in Europe. Perhaps reflections inspired by the Danube!

As always, you can reach me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com