If no, listen to the stories you are telling yourself.

I have always been a proponent of choice. I grew up with this feeling. I named my first business Options & Choices. Whilst reflecting recently on when and where my strong belief in choice emerged, I traced it back to my youth.

I am a third culture kid or TCK, I have lived in countries and experienced cultures other than my own from early life. From Asia to Africa and Europe, they were home to me. Change was a constant. I was always ‘the new kid’ and a different (foreign) kid to boot. For me, it was a great adventure and one that had me trying new things – food, language, rituals. The initial unease of being outside my comfort zone quickly gave way to curiosity, choice and autonomy.

They form part of my core values and have helped me make crucial decisions throughout my life. When work or life throws me curveballs, disruptions are minimised by how I view the situation. That does not mean my life is smooth sailing and void of disruption. It just places me in a better position to navigate and minimise the disruption.

This has been one of my greatest insights gained through my experiences. That no matter what challenges, trials or unexpected detours life throws at us, we fundamentally have the autonomy to choose how we perceive a given situation.

What is an authentic autonomous choice?

Authentic - genuine or real you

Autonomous - independent and having the power to make your own decisions

Choice - the act of choosing between two or more options

I can’t help but quote Viktor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and holocaust survivor, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.

This, for me, is the epitome of autonomous choice. The fundamental human freedom to choose for yourself the next best option. To find your own way towards the next choice, where success or failure matters but it does not define you. If you succeed great, but if you fail, you learn and move on.

Both success and failure have lessons that help us grow, develop our sense of self and authenticity. They become our stories. They make us who we are. No one can take that away from us.

Over the years of working with people across the world, those who made authentic autonomous choices with clarity and confidence were always those who had a clear sense of self. The stories they told themselves about themselves were consistent with their inner resources - core values and beliefs.

The gap between who they were meant to be and who they wanted to be was small. The conflict in values and beliefs between these two spheres was minimal. And, if and when conflict did arise it was overcome by pragmatism without much ado. They relied on their inner resources and stories to guide them towards their next choice.

We all have the freedom to make authentic autonomous choices but it requires a clear sense of self. Some of us embody this more naturally than others. But it is a skill that you can learn by understanding yourself; reviewing your inner resources, reviewing the stories you tell yourself about yourself and taking small actions towards becoming the authentic you. With effort and time, you will get there.

I am learning about myself too. It is an ongoing journey. I falter at times and that tells me I need to access my inner resources and review the stories I am telling myself.

For help with understanding yourself, email me at yoga@yoganesadurai.com

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